Home > Spotlight > Project Sweet Spot > Why It’s Necessary To Redefine “Selfish” To Get Into Your Sweet Spot

Calling someone selfish is not usually a compliment. We tend to consider selfish people as those who think only of themselves and what they want, without respect for, or consideration of, others.

While it’s true that most of us don’t want to deal with, or be, someone who operates that way, I’ve noticed that the fear of being seen as selfish unconsciously blocks a lot of people from following their passion and creating something truly remarkable in the world.

Getting into your Sweet Spot requires a significant degree of self-awareness. Here’s just a sample of things you’ll need to know:

- What you’re truly best at vs. where you’re highly competent, moderately competent or weak
- How the literally tens of thousands of thoughts that run through your mind per day (it’s been measured) determine the actions you take, or don’t take, without you realizing it
- What time of day you are at your creative best, and when you actually need to rest, relax and recharge for optimum results
- What type of people you most enjoy serving as clients and working with as colleagues, and what types you don’t
- Where you really want to live, and how much time you want to be there vs elsewhere in the world
- How much money you actually need to live the lifestyle that’s right for you
- What gives you energy, and what drains you of energy – whether people, places, activities or your own thought patterns
- What scares you, intrigues you, enlivens you, pushes your buttons – and what’s relevant about each of those
- When and why you say yes when you mean no, and no when you mean yes, and how that short-circuits your progress

It typically takes time, energy, commitment and some unconventional choices to discover the answers to these things for yourself, something that many people would consider “selfish” or “self-indulgent.” However, from my point of view, this is a misunderstanding of epic proportions (hence the reason I want to set it right here).

Let’s take a simple, well-known example of Steve Jobs. He dropped out of college after six months (seeing no value in it) with no idea what to do. He ended up taking a calligraphy course that he’d never have taken if he hadn’t dropped out without knowing where it was leading. What he learned there eventually became the foundation for the aesthetic genius that would later be built into all Mac computers.

Jobs was adopted, and his birth mother almost didn’t sign the adoption papers when she found out that the adoptive parents had never been to college. She only relented when they promised her that they would ensure Steve would go to college.

Think for a moment about the implication of Steve Jobs’ decision to drop out of college after six months. His birth mother signed the adoption papers on that one condition, and his working class adoptive parents saved every penny they could to make sure to keep their promise. Had he not had the courage to recognize that he was not in the right place for him, and act in the face of what one could imagine might have been at least some degree of pressure to meet the expectations of some highly significant people in his life, the world as we know it would literally be a very different place.

Apple has had impact in such far-reaching ways, I’m sure we are aware of only a fraction of them so far. Yet how many people would have called him selfish to drop out and not think of his parents’ wishes, rather than encouraging him to trust his own knowing and explore what might be a better fit for him?

Let’s not confuse the deep and sacred work of increasing self-awareness and making uncommon choices that blaze your own trail – even when you can’t exactly see where the trail is leading – with navel-gazing, the unproductive wasting of time, and the false notion of selfishness. While they may be labelled as such by others, they are an essential part of the path into your Sweet Spot and becoming the leader you were meant to be.

Photo: La Biondina